I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she peed on how many people?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
