is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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