Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
