can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
