she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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