I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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