uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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