woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
