at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
