So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
