Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
