sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
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