never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We are two peas in an std pod
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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