One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We are all done wearing pants today
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
