Buhtt sex?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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