I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
