Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
