I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
