Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
