So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
