Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
