I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
