Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
