That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize