So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
