Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize