Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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