Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
