My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
