he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
