Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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