Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
