I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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