Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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