she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
