that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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