He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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