you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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