I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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