I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
