you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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