so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
