So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
