Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
