i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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