Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
