i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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