I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
