Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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