Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
