try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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