I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
