Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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