As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
