He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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