First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
