Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
