I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
