Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
