Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
