I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
