i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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