so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Are my feet made of real feet?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize