The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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