Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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