what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
