Duck Duck Cougar?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
