I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
